Choice-Based Responsibility Model
By Jeff Metzger, Founding President
Welcome to the inaugural Promoting Happy, Healthy, Responsible Kids, for parents, teachers, coaches, anyone having an interest in helping kids grow into happy, healthy, responsible adults.
Toyota built an automotive dynasty out of asking ‘why’ and that is where we shall start this month’s journey: by asking, “WHY promote happy, healthy, responsible kids?” For now, we’ll consider the reasons for promoting the first two qualities self-apparent: but why focus on responsibility?
After 64 years of living, I have come to the inescapable conclusion that responsibility is a requisite for long-term happiness and, indirectly, health, to a large degree. Think back to the myriad of people you have known in your life. Is it not generally true, those who lack responsibility are not happy people, long-term? In other words, if we want our children to grow into happy, healthy adults, FIRST we must help them become responsible. If your goal is to help your children live a happy, fulfilled life, there are few better gifts than a healthy sense of responsibility.
Ask a room full of parents if they believe that teaching their children to be responsible is important and 100% will answer yes. Then, ask them to give a definition of responsibility and most will fall silent. A few will answer: “to go to work; to pay your bills on time; to take care of your family,” etc. But these are examples and do not offer decision-making guidance.
Webster tells us responsibility is ‘a sense of duty or obligation.’ However, that definition is incomplete, even misleading. Obligation to whom? Do we have an obligation to our wife to nurture our friendships; to our boss to change our oil; to the government to clean our gutters? These discordant, confusing mismatches help point out the folly of habitually making life choices because some earthly person or authority told us or implied that we ‘should.’
Rather than going through life tending to the wishes of numerous ‘authorities,’ living or dead, known or unknown, perhaps a simpler, more liberating and healthier view is to realize that the only obligations we have in life are to ourselves. In a sentence, responsibility means making choices that bring happiness and fulfillment into our life, long term—doing what is good for us!
As healthy adults, we likely seek to build strong relationships with our families, friends and communities; to exercise; to eat healthy foods; to further our career; to pay our taxes; to clean our house; to nurture our spirituality. Most would agree these are responsible actions. But next comes critical questions that have great bearing on our happiness: Do we take these actions because an ‘authority’ implied we ‘should’ or do we willingly exercise the discipline of delaying gratification, knowing that doing so will bring us happiness and fulfillment, long-term?
Back to the main focus: children. Look around and notice how many parents and teachers give lip service to a Choice-Based Responsibility Model yet basically follow an Authority-Based-Responsibility Model, dealing out ‘have-to’s’ and ‘should-do’s’ as a habit, often not even realizing it? The net effect of never giving true choice to children is to rob them of the practice of what is probably life’s most valuable skill—the skill of making choices that bring happiness, long-term, the very essence of responsibility as we define it!
Teaching mathematics, piano or a cartwheel to a child is a wonderful thing, but teaching a child how to make a decision that brings long-term happiness into their life is truly an act of love.
Think it over, love your family, and make it a great month!
Jeff Metzger, Founding President
